Thursday, January 29, 2009

A list of useless information, well, maybe not useless if you're going to the next bar trivia night.

As a kid, I wanted to know the exact number of licks it would take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop. Repeatedly, I failed to find out by always biting the little fucker. Now, as I near my 31st birthday, I have concluded that it takes 142.18 licks to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Tootsie Pop.

Something that might keep me, and most likely you, from sleeping tonight and every other night for the rest of our lives: On average, a person will eat 6 roaches while sleeping throughout their life.

Hallmark makes cards for 105 different relationships. I love you cards. I miss you cards. Thank you and I’m sorry cards. But, of this entire list of cards, I have never found the one that reads, “Hey, thanks for last night, now get the fuck outta my house.”

The butt muscle is the biggest muscle in the human body. The tongue muscle is the strongest.

You ever wonder why some people from Mexico try to sneak into America and live here? It could be for job opportunities or it could be for a better way of life, or, it could be because Mexico City is sinking, on average, 10 inches each year.

When you go out to eat at a Chinese restaurant, or any other type of Oriental joint, you always receive a fortune cookie. And as we devour the crumby little things we wonder how somebody can read our fortune without ever meeting us? And wonder what smart Chinaman is putting all of the fortunes in the cookies? Fortune cookies were invented by Charles Jung, an AMERICAN, in 1918.

For the people who don’t believe that humans were once apes in the jungles, a female birth control pill can, and will work, for a female ape if she takes it every day for a month.

The screwdriver was invented before the screw. What in the hell did they use them for before they had screws?

Does your wife think that she is retaining water? Tell her she’s lucky she's not a jelly fish. There bodies are made of 95% H2O.

All but one woman that I have dated can officially be called a Starfish. Starfish have no hearts.

Abraham Lincoln was born in 1808. John F. Kennedy was born in 1908. Lincoln became president in 1860. JFK became president in 1960. They were both killed on Fridays. Booth, whom shot Lincoln, was born in 1839. Oswald, whom shot JFK, was born in 1939. Lincoln's personal assistants last name was Kennedy and Kennedy's personal assistants last name was Lincoln. The names of the presidents elected after Lincoln and Kennedy were both Johnson's.

A ducks quack does not echo and nobody knows why not.

“The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog”, uses every letter in the American alphabet.

111,111,111 X 111,111,111= 12,345,678,987,654,321.

If you have 3 quarters, 4 dimes, and 4 pennies, you have $1.19. You also have the largest amount of money in coins without being able to make change for a dollar.

Reno, Nevada is West of Los Angeles, California.

85% of men don’t use the slit in the underwear when going to the bathroom.

In every episode of Seinfeld, anything Superman (poster, coffee cup, figurine) can be found.

If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle; if the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle; if the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.

The word “samba" means “to rub navels together.”

The only difference between CBS’s “60 Minutes” and all of the other news shows on TV is that it has no theme song.

The bullet proof vest, the fire escape, windshield wipers and laser printers were all invented by women.

85% of men that die while having sex are screwing a woman other than their wife when it happens.

Fred and Wilma Flintstone were the first couple shown on television in bed together.

A rat can live longer without water than a camel can.

A female ferret, that is in heat, will die if it doesn’t find a mate.

Charlie Chaplin once was awarded third place in a Charlie Chaplin look-alike contest.

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