Thursday, June 26, 2008

Top Ten Reasons the Cubs will, again, sweep the White Sox

A long, long time ago...I can still remember how my pop and I would scream, yell and throw empty PBR cans at each other while watching the Cubs play the Whitesox before MLB started this AL vs. NL shit. My dad is my best friend, but when it came to that one day a year his Sox would battle my Cubs, we were more against each other than God fearin' Christians and radical Liberals could have ever been. On the day of the Crosstown Classic/Red Line Series, we wouldn't speak to each other until first pitch. And when that was finally delivered, put the women and children to bed, 'cause it got pretty god damned ugly between us. But now, his Sox are playing pretty well and my Cubs are surprising the hell outta' everybody. And staring today, my Cubbies will attempt to make it a clean sweep on the year against their Southside foes. These are my reasons why the Northsider's will sweep the Sox.

10. Scoring
The Cubs have crossed the plate 43 more times than the White Sox. Now, the Northsider's have had 81 more at bats than the Southsider's, but our pitchers have to stand in the box. The Sox have a washed up douche bag to take hacks for their pitchers.

9. Going Yard
The White Sox have belted 102 homers this season so far, the Cubs, 89. Meaning only that the Sox think about the long ball way too often. When you think of only hitting for the fences, more times than not, your ass is gonna pop out to the third baseman. When it comes down to it, small ball will win you games. The Cubbies got this down to a T.

8. Getting On
Cubs batters have driven in 33 more runners than Sox batters. Meaning, to me, that Cubs players have reached base 33 more times than Sox players. You can only score if you reach base. And, well, the Sox don't do that all too well it seems.

7. Gotta Score
There are three bases and one plate on every ball diamond around the world. And the Cubs have touched 75 more bases than the Sox have this year. To me, this means that the Northsider's get more hits to touch these bases. And more hits mean more runs. More runs means more wins.

6. Swinging the Stick
Of the top 30 batting averages in the majors, three Cubs are on the list (Theriot-.316, Ramirez-.303,Fukudome-.299). The bitch who catches for the Sox is the highest Southsider on the list at .297, meaning we hit the ball much better on the Northside.

5. You Closing Your Eyes?
The "Power Hitter" from South of Roosevelt Rd., Thome, has struck out 70 times this year. That's five times more than the Cubs strikeout leader Geovany Soto. I guess the "swing and a miss" will happen when all you think about is hitting the long ball.

4. Gettin' On
At .405 (Ramirez), .404 (Fukudome) and .391 (Theriot), the Cubs reach base more often than the Sox do. Quentin's .390 is the highest OBP for the Sox. With more guys reaching base, the better than chance of scoring runs. Ya' need runs to win games. If there ain't anybody on base, ya' ain't gonna score runs.

3. Keepin' it Simple
Keeping the ball on the ground is key to winning games as well. If a batter pops out every time at the dish he does nothing good for his team. Ryan Theriot doesn't have this problem. 114 times so far this season, he has grounded out to one of the players on the infield. Joe Crede, on the other hand, has popped out/flew out 100 times to players of the opposing team. Meaning that the Sox can't play small ball and dream about going yard each and every time.

2. Sweet Home Chicago
The Cubs are almost unbeatable at home. They are 33-9 while playing at the Friendly Confines. The Sox stand at 24-11 at the Cell. And I understand that the team I bleed Cubbie Blue for is going to the Southside this weekend, it's still Chicago. It's home, away from home. My boys will, once again, sweep the Sox this weekend with a couple two-tree homers by Aramis and Lee.

1. Loyalty
'Cause I hate the Sox.

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